How things get DONE!

So the past two weeks I have been meeting with various organizations to solicit help and support for my project such as the Hashemite Fund for Human Development, the Partners Center, the Hashemite Fund for Badia Development, and the Jordanian Business Development Center. Meeting with those organizations in Amman and Zarqa as well as meeting with the various individuals out here in the Badia over the last few weeks/months has helped me learn some pretty key characteristics to how business is done here in Jordan. There is such a different type of etiquette and proper method to doing things that I can easily see how a misunderstanding could take place operating here as a foreigner. So here is a brief summary of what I have learned so far:

Wasta... it's not what you know it's who you know. Relationships are important wherever you go in the world, but here relationships aren't just important they are essential. Here it is impossible to get a decent job without knowing a friend or family member on the inside who is willing to go to bat for you and set things up. But wasta goes further than that. For instance we were out clothes shopping and despite the dozens of shops all selling the same things in Mafraq, we made sure to go to a certain shop as the owners were the friends of relatives and were sure to give us a good price. Haggling is expected in doing business and it can seem like the two people arguing over prices are about to come across the counter at each other but apparently this is just a way of doing business and getting the best price. There is a pretty significant difference between the "friendly price" and the "normal price" so I'm glad I have friends here to shop with as if I was just a foreigner I'd get ripped! Getting sick and needing to get some meds from the pharmacy is a similar sort of situation. I can speak from personal experience, as well as relate stories from various American friends that have gotten sick and didn't need the appropriate prescriptions as they had a good relationship with the locals running the pharmacy. Really out here in all aspects of doing something it's not about what you know or how good your ideas are, it's about who you know and who can pull the appropriate strings for you.

Where's the Coffee?!? When you come to sit with a good Bedu host after welcoming you warmly he will start making demands to know where the coffee is from his sons or other people around him. Serving the traditional unsweetened coffee (kahua saada or Arabic coffee as it's sometimes called) in a little one or two ounce porcelain cup is the proper way of welcoming you and so the host sometimes makes a big deal about demanding the coffee be brought quickly to show you how welcome you are. This is a different coffee than the more typical or "Turkish" coffee served in the cities as the beans are ever so lightly roasted and so it almost has a tea like color to it. The coffee has much importance in social interactions and has different significance in different situations. The most important man is always served coffee first and the respectful partaker of the coffee must drink more than one but never more than three small cups of coffee. When being served the coffee you have to remain seated but not slouching or laying about (as people often do when relaxing on the floor cushions) but attentive and respecting the server. You return the cup and it will be refilled and given back to you unless you jiggle the cup slightly by rotating your wrist while returning it indicating that you've had enough. After the first one or two most important men in the party have been served then it usually just goes in a counterclockwise manner from the right side of the room to the left. Similar practices should be taken when greeting everyone in the room. If entering a small room greet the most important man first and then the other two or three around you usually from the man to the right of the door and around. In a large room the door will usually face a U shaped arrangement of pads and cushions on the floor or benches or in some cases couches. Start greeting people at the right end of the U and move your way around it working counterclockwise. You'll then be directed to sit (usually the place of honor is at the head of the room or the bottom of the U shape) so if told to sit at the head of the room graciously accept and know you're a guest of honor. If in a small room or office you're directed to sit on the right hand of the person sitting a the desk or head of the office then you are the most important person in the meeting and the guest of honor. A little tip for people who don't speak fluent Arabic, when greeting everyone, people love to throw curve balls at you and instead of asking the standard "how are you" or "how's your health" they will throw some Bedouin dialect at you or asking a strange question in a greeting or something like that. Most times you won't know what they are saying but you can get away with just about anything by saying hala hala hala over and over again while going through the line shaking peoples hands. Hala means basically the same to you or right back at you. Also most men will refrain from kissing you as you're American and they accept that you are not comfortable with that... except for the older men. The older men are of the mindset that your culture doesn't matter because you're in their home so they will shake your hand and pull you in for a kiss on the cheek. Usually kiss once on their right cheek then switch to the other cheek for two or three quick kisses on the left cheek. Don't be surprised if you pull away to have them pull you back for another kiss on the cheek but since there is no standard number of kisses on the left cheek that is acceptable or standard the best bet is to go off of the handshake, feel if they are pulling you back in for another kiss or if they are pushing you off and go with it. Again... this isn't anything but cultural so don't get the wrong idea here folks. If you are meeting a woman (this doesn't happen often but when it does it's important to note the proper procedure) it's odd to stand when they enter the room like you do when men enter (completely opposite from being a southern gentleman so that has been interesting to adjust to). Instead of shaking hands when greeting you simply put your right hand over your heart which means the same thing. This type of greeting can also be used for a man if it's just too awkward to make your way over a table or something to shake his hand. If a woman offers you her hand you may shake it but let her make that determination. If you are a woman don't offer your hand to anyone in a Shmagh as odds are they are pretty traditional and will feel quite uncomfortable shaking your hand. When sitting down after greeting and the coffee is being served it's completely expected to ask the same "how are you" question in different forms always expecting the same answer. Ask about life, work, health, but NEVER ask about wives, daughters, or sisters. Don't ask about them, don't ask to see pictures of them, if you do happen to meet them don't take pictures of them, if you do take pictures of them (sometimes being a foreigner it is allowed) don't show them to ANYONE else as that's incredibly shameful. Don't talk about your own sisters, daughters, or wives, don't show pictures of them... just don't. The only real exception to any of that is with your mother. It's not commonplace but it's a bit more socially acceptable to talk about your mother and how she's doing and showing someone a picture of your mother or introducing her in public etc. This is especially true if she's sick or widowed so inquiring after someone's sick or widowed mother is fine. When sitting you will be served coffee, tea, fruit, and all sorts of stuff over the course of the conversation so just gracefully accept and smile (even if for instance you're Mormon and you don't drink coffee or tea just don't make a big deal of it and smile). You're not always expected to drink what's in front of you but if you are sitting without a drink in front of you or an empty glass it is very shameful for the host as it is his responsibility to keep your glass full and keep you comfortable. If you know the host better you can explain to them that you may not be able to drink tea or coffee etc citing either health reasons or religious reasons but never ever use "I don't like it" as a reason as you'll just sound like a jerk. If you sit around long enough food will always be served and when food is served all conversation stops. Everyone gets up and sits around a large circular pad with many different plates of various types of food on it. Eat from any plate you want but only eat from your side of the plates. There is usually one large main dish and so section off your part of the platter being about 6-8 inches of the edge of the platter and just eat from that section. The host will usually throw pieces of meat and scoop more rice and food into your section as that's his job but it's very shameful to dig in to the middle or eat from other people's sections. This is true even if there is no one else there as people often join you mid meal and take up another "section" to your right or left. Sit however you want during the rest of the visit but while eating you can only sit cross legged or do a half kneel with your right foot on the floor (right knee up)... this is usually most comfortable for us unflexible westerners so just a little tip there. Of course you only eat with your right hand but you can use your left hand for tearing bread etc. When eating rice and stuff with your hand just scoop it up and squeeze it and roll it to make a little ball that is manageable before using your thumb to pop it in your mouth. Don't lick your fingers as that's pretty rude, but a tip to make it a little more manageable is spoon some yogurt into the rice to make it stick together a bit better. After eating everyone goes and washes their hands and face and a glass of water is served from person to person after everyone has sat back down. Drink some water and return the glass rather than holding on to it (yeah my first mistake on my first day). Now one of the big differences between the city and out in the Badia is serving coffee. In the city when you first arrive a coffee will be served to welcome you then after talking for a while another coffee may be served and is meant as a signal for you to be on your way as the host needs to get on to other things. In Bedu culture this is not the case and coffee is served immediately and often and only indicates that the host is doing his job to accommodate you. I have been told that a cheap host will ask you if you are hungry or thirsty while a gracious host will just serve you food and expect that you will partake. This is important if you are hosting as although it is customary to ask if you can get anyone anything in western culture, don't ask just serve. Sometimes very little actual business will be discussed but more on this later. One little interesting tidbit of information, if you are planning on making a substantial request from your host such as asking to marry his daughter or sister or something of that nature the process is a little different. You show up with an entourage of as many important people as you can round up, and they all defer to you in serving the initial cup of coffee. The host will of course try to serve the older and more important men first but because they defer to you that shows the host that you are very important and should be respected. After you are served your coffee instead of drinking it you set it down and then address the host and make your request. The host will answer your request (sometimes taking a leave to go discuss matters with his wife/mother/daughter etc in the other room if it is a marital request) and if the answer is positive you will drink the coffee, if negative you will leave the coffee where it is untouched and leave. Here in the Badia the coffee is much more a symbol than it is a tasty pick-me-up, so treat it as such. Be honored when your host makes a scene demanding "where's the coffee" as it means you are an important guest and he is eager to show you that with this symbol of welcome.

There is no such thing as late and there are no "power lunches" "power breakfasts" or really power anythings... so slow your roll! When you show up to a meeting whether it be in the city or out in the Badia don't show up with an agenda. Stacking meetings back to back on every hour on the hour is acceptable in western culture but doing that here means you will miss more than half your meetings. I don't think I've been on time for a meeting yet but I certainly haven't been late yet. If you plan on meeting with someone at 10am then plan on them showing up at around 11 to 11:30. If you have an hour's worth of business to talk about then plan on it taking all day. Time is flexible here and although it seems sometimes like that is a bad thing that will cause all sorts of problems with productivity I am starting to see some of the advantages it has. As I have said before nothing gets done here without relationships so sitting and taking the time to develop those relationships is essential. When you show up at a meeting expect for there to be some significant time spent just talking about whatever comes up before getting down to business. Even in the city before getting down to business coffee or tea must be served, time must be taken to relax and settle in and get comfortable, and a certain degree of respect for the visiting party must be shown as they have most likely traveled far to come meet with you. For example this last week I had a list of organizations to meet with and many things to do in Amman as I make it there so rarely I wanted to make good use of my time. I was under the impression that I had meetings set up beforehand with these groups when it turns out I didn't and was showing up unannounced (I was a bit annoyed upon learning this). This is a pretty bad idea in the states and will usually get you nowhere but here I ended up meeting with some important decision makers at a few of the organizations we got a chance to visit and even though I ran way over on time (going from a 30 minute meeting to 2 hours plus) I developed the relationships necessary to really get some traction with a few of my ideas. I only met with two groups that day rather than the 4-5 I had planned on but those two groups will be more involved and helpful than any number of idle relationships developed in the 30 minute meetings I'm used to. Over the course of the day I also got a chance to stop in and say hello to some friends in Zarqa and of course had to stay and eat some maglouba which I'm always a fan of. So making a schedule is tough as meetings are rarely scheduled and getting down to business quickly and efficiently is not the norm. This idea all stems out of a cultural rule that dictated hospitality when someone was traveling to come see you as in the nomadic life that journey could be significant. Up until rather recently the Bedu were nomadic as it has only been in the last 20-50 years that these people have transitioned from their nomadic existence to settling in villages and cities. In the past when someone came to meet with you it is your obligation to talk with them and feed them and host them for three and a quarter days before ever asking what it is they wanted. They could offer up what it is they need from you before then but it would be considered outright rude and unacceptable to ask why they came to see you before those three and a quarter days had passed. Now when someone comes to see you it is not quite three days before getting down to business but it certainly could be three hours at times. Given this context perhaps the responsibilities of a host and the importance of relationships begin to make more sense. If you get to a meeting, don't jump right into business and "getting things done" as you'll only close a door and end up wasting the hour you scheduled to meet.

These rules aren't hard and fast and have some degree of variation. The problem with establishing guidelines for interacting here is that the culture will vary so significantly from region to region. Everything from food, to etiquette, to language changes from one area to another here. I know words that I have learned here in the Northeastern Badia that someone from Amman or Irbid or the Southwestern Badia would never understand or use. Being isolated from other tribes and groups for so long as resources were scare and disease easily spread amongst flocks caused these significant variations to develop and grow. There is no hard and fast rule but these general guidelines seem to be widespread enough to apply anywhere here.

So remember that wasta is important, take time to develop it by eating and drinking and allowing your host to be welcoming. Take time to get to know people and learn what it is they really want and need from you. Don't let your schedule get in the way of your purpose. Perhaps these are rules that can be adapted and used anywhere?

Life is still fantastic here in the Badia and my best to all my friends and family all around the world.

Loren of Arabia
لورن من العربية