Haunted by change... or a lack thereof?

I find myself back in Jordan...

I'm here now for the third time and I am simultaneously haunted by the twin ghosts of past and future.  I hope you will forgive the ominous metaphor but there seems to be no other way to describe the context and feel of what is happening (or not happening) around me here.

The first haunting is the ghost of years past as it is overwhelming how little has changed here...

My first night in country I go to the Farah hotel as I have every year, I am given the same room by the same man working the front desk.  I go across the street Hashem’s (a cheap place for great authentic Jordanian street fare) where the same Egyptian man takes my order and brings me my food.  I go and get knaffeh from the same little shop there downtown where the same workers are doing the same things as they always are. 

My same friends find out I’m in Jordan and insist I come live with them in the same apartment as every year (they won’t allow me to endure such an atrocity as living in a hotel alone!).  Living with these friends we watch the news of conflicts in Syria with horrible images being shown of the bloodshed during an attempt to overthrow Basher Assad.  Despite this difference, Syria seems eerily reminiscent of the reporting we watched last year on Libya during the conflict to overthrow Qadaffi.  Another coup to overthrow another dictator so despite the fact that Libya and Syria are of course different it is difficult to miss the similarities.

I go to meetings in the same offices with the many of the same people and do my shopping in the same small mini-marts and am helped by the same people.  I even had one of the same drivers in one of the taxi cabs I hailed on the street.  It is just amazing how little changes in Amman sometimes and how despite all the changes in my own life there is so much external consistency here. 

In some ways the only real changes I see are the changes I bring with me...


Sometimes the only difference that I notice is the fact that I am not joined by the same great friends and interns that I was last year.  I have been fortunate to work with some incredible people out here so far who have been integral in making Zaytoon a success so I will miss their presence here.  Most noteworthy for me this year is the absence of my brother Brenden who reported to the Missionary Training Center recently to serve a full-time mission for our church.  He was a dear friend and a great companion to have out here and his absence is compounded by the lack of other changes evident around me.  Such similarity has an almost surreal haunting effect as I turn to talk to Brenden but he is not there as I forget that it has been a year not a week since I have walked these same streets.  I am haunted by the lack of change… or at least so it would seem.

I'm haunted a second time, by the ghost of years to come...

Unlike the ghost of years past, the ghost of years to come does not strike at the heartstrings of nostalgia but instead at the pangs of uncertainty.  The ghost of years to come is much less apparent and evident in day to day interaction as he stays well beneath the surface and though he is always felt in one way or another, he is not easily seen.  Usually the only way one can see direct aspects of this haunting uncertainty is through sensational events and watershed moments as happened recently when the Prime Minster resigned.  I will spare the otherwise compelling and interesting circumstances and implications of this event, but suffice to say this was nothing short of historic in showing the underlying changes that are happening here.  There are protests demanding new elections and an open willingness to criticize an existing regime that was above reproach and would have never been questioned a mere two years ago.  The future is hopefully bright for Jordan, but this ghost of uncertainty remains.  We have seen in Egypt, it will take a long period of this uncertainty to reach stability again so the road ahead is long and the destination or distance is anything but certain.


The smallest differences then are best seen in the sea of similarity...

These seemingly conflicting forces of stable similarity and unstable change are indicative of a much more complicated circumstance than most western political or journalistic forces are willing to comprehend.  Change is happening here but it will not appear in a familiar manner.  To understand the change that is really going on (and this change is happening all around me here) it is necessary to understand nuance of a circumstance, the tone of a conversation, and at times even the lack of a response.  The impact of the Arab Spring as it is felt in Jordan is often masked by the unchanging ghosts of years past, but if you listen closely and watch intently the emergence of an ever more visible ghost of years to come is evident.  I suppose to take the metaphor one painful step further (forgive me please) I just have to wonder what form this ghost will take… will it haunt this region for years to come with instability and uncertainty?  Could it be that this ghost simply the spirit of Jordan rising to meet the challenge of embracing her potential?  I suppose only time will tell.