Life is Beautiful

I don't often post about my experiences of my life here in Jordan, as I only want to share when I have something worth saying.  As always I write here in the hopes of sharing things that have inspired me or enriched my life rather than just to draw attention from others.

I sent this experience I had a few days ago to a few of my friends and family via email, and they urged me to post it on my blog here.  I hope those of you who haven't read it will enjoy...

The last thing I wanted to do was get out of bed and face life this morning.  I was up far too late last night putting out various fires for work and then working feverishly to meet deadlines.  Too many nights of burning the candle at both ends, combined with the stress of too many projects, too many problems, and too many things to juggle, with far too few hands to juggle them had taken their toll and I was exhausted.  I'm just getting over being a bit sick so looking out the window at a cold and dreary day made me want to just roll over and go back to sleep.  As I was getting ready to head to the office it started to rain (a rarity here in Jordan) which just seemed to set the tone for what would be a disaster of a day.  

Once I was at work things didn't improve much as everything seemed to be falling apart.  Meetings all morning about different projects ended up uncovering more problems than they solved.  I put those issues aside for a moment as I had to finish a paper I had been working on to submit to an important conference and I only had a few more days before the submission deadline.  Things started looking up, I had refined most of the paper, and I was finally getting the statistical models to run effectively when suddenly my laptop made the most horrible sound and crashed.  I had lost every bit of work I had done on this paper, and countless other projects I had been working on over the last two months.  I was devastated.

The day could not have gotten any worse

I couldn't begin to process what had just happened so I packed my things and walked out of the office.  I made my way down the street through the traffic jam created by the rainstorm making hailing a cab impossible.  I put my hood up and started sloshing my way through the streets to make my way home.  I was wet cold and miserable and wanted nothing more than to lock myself in my room to disappear for a while.  The last thing I wanted to do was see or talk to anyone as I was in no mood to deal with anything or anyone else.

I rounded the corner and saw the familiar face of a Syrian man who was staying with the friends who I had been living with.  The man was aimlessly walking up the street in the rain getting splashed by the cars driving by him and for a moment I hoped that he wouldn't see me as I just wanted to be alone.  Of course he spotted me and smiling ear to ear called out my name repeatedly so I had to cross the street and say hello.  He asked me why I looked so upset and I just said it had been a tough day.  The man instantly took me by the hand and said he was taking me out to lunch to cheer me up.  I tried to insist that it was fine or that I wasn't hungry but he of course wasn't interested in anything I had to say at that point as he insisted I join him to eat.  I hate to admit now that I felt more inconvenienced than grateful for his gesture of kindness but I did appreciate it all the same.  

We made our way to a small shwarma place and sat down while he ordered food.  I was tired and wet and freezing and just wanted to be home but eventually my friend's smile and happy demeanor was too much to shut out and I did start to feel a little better (the really good shwarma didn't hurt either).  So in the moment I was grateful to have someone so loving and willing to cheer me up. We chatted casually and finished up and then went back out into the rain to head home.  He stopped for a moment and smiled at me again and told me in Arabic that "life is beautiful" and I agreed that yes it was,  He smiled and said again that "life is beautiful" and I needed to remember that as too often others forget it.  He got a faraway look for a moment and smiled again before lighting a cigarette and repeating "life is beautiful".

I thought about his words as I was walking with him back to the apartment in the rain.  As walked I had to hide the tears in my eyes... 

I suppose I should explain a little bit more about this seemingly normal kind and friendly man with an unusually positive outlook on life.

See this particular Syrian man was from Dara'a, and had watched as most of his friends and family were brutally murdered in front of him.  He had fought for the last two years as a member of the Syrian Free Army against the regime of Basher Assad.  His village has been leveled and everything he knows destroyed.  He would still be in Syria fighting, but he is temporarily in Jordan to undergo chemotherapy and other treatment for the stage 4 liver cancer he's been fighting.  Here is a dying man with no family, home, money, or future, but I have never once seen him without a smile on his face... and he insists that life is beautiful.

I thought of my own "problems" and realized none of them mattered at all.  All the things that had made me want to run and hide and avoid life were inconsequential and tiny by comparison to the things this man was struggling with.  I was in awe that in the face of all these troubles this man was more concerned with what was troubling me.  This man saw that I was having a rough day and rather than think of his own circumstances wanted nothing more than to cheer me up.  At no point did he insinuate that things could be worse (as he of all people could) but simply wanted me to remember that life was beautiful.  I am grateful for the perspective and the reminder... they haven't miraculously restored any of my lost work or solved my other problems, but yet all these problems don't trouble me now.  It makes all the difference in the world to remember just how beautiful this life really is.

My friends I've learned today that this life is beautiful... that my life is beautiful.  I hope you all can take a moment and see the beauty in your own lives too.